Read Matthew 18:21-35

“²¹ Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

The decision to forgive can be costly. To cancel the debt you’re owed and to let go of anger or resentment towards another requires personal sacrifice. Despite the cost, many of us are happy to pay the price and feel satisfied that we’ve taken the higher, moral ground. However, when we encounter a “serial offender”, our goodwill runs dry and we resent being expected or asked to forgive.

When our resolve dissipates, Jesus’ call to forgive “seventy-seven times” might feel unfair or even harmful. We may justify withholding forgiveness by saying, “They need to learn a lesson!” Or “I’m not a doormat!” No matter how justified we feel in saying this, in essence, we are deciding that our decision to not forgive someone not only benefits them (!) but is somehow the right moral decision for us.

It’s at this point that we need to ask ourselves, “Has someone not forgiving me ever helped me overcome my sin?” The answer is obvious. Forgiveness provides the most transformative outcome in the life of the sinner. While it doesn’t guarantee future behaviour, true forgiveness introduces the concept of mercy, not receiving what we deserve. Mercy prepares us to meet grace, being given what we don’t deserve. And it is grace that provides the environment and the fuel for internal transformation.

Forgiveness is thus not just about moral virtue, but about inviting those who have offended us into a whole new way of thinking, living and relating. A life marked by mercy, not malice. A life marked by grace, not guilt. 

Our ability to consistently offer this costly forgiveness to others correlates strongly with our own experience of forgiveness. It may be our parents, spouse or friend who enriched our hearts with grace. Or maybe it was and is Jesus. His sacrificial forgiveness of us is not conditioned upon our ability to immediately obey him in every way. Rather, his merciful offering of grace to us is the fuel for our merciful offerings of grace to others – even seventy-seven times.

Who has graciously forgiven you? Who do you need to pray for help to graciously forgive?